


1000 Potters walk into a bar

by youknowmevj



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe, Crack Treated Seriously, Dimension Travel, Fluff, Gen, Humor, M/M, Meta, Metafiction, One Shot, Parallel Universes, When Harry meets other Harrys
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-12
Updated: 2020-12-12
Packaged: 2021-03-11 01:07:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,085
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28026771
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/youknowmevj/pseuds/youknowmevj
Summary: From time to time, Tomarrymort!AU Harry Potters fraternize with each other.
Relationships: Harry Potter & Harry Potter, Harry Potter/Tom Riddle, Harry Potter/Tom Riddle | Voldemort, Harry Potter/Voldemort
Comments: 26
Kudos: 173





	1000 Potters walk into a bar

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [1000 Watsons walk into a bar...](https://archiveofourown.org/works/854115) by [destinationtoast](https://archiveofourown.org/users/destinationtoast/pseuds/destinationtoast). 



> I have always been fascinated with AU-characters-meeting-each-other scenarios. When I stumbled upon the amazing metafic by destinationtoast (which is amazing btw, do check their stuff out) , I couldn't help writing this one for the Tomarry fandom. 
> 
> Hope you guys enjoy this one!

Harry apparated in front of The Leaky Cauldron – even ten years of recurrent apparition hadn’t made him immune to the unpleasant squeezing sensation it mandatorily caused. He was behind time, he knew it, but wasn’t like he could help it. It was always tricky to coax Tom into letting him leave. The paranoid git.

Just as he pushes open the door, the booming sounds of conversation and laughter envelop him from all sides, as if everyone present had used the sonorous charm. Cognitively, he understands the scene in front of him is not exactly new, yet he has to pause for a moment to acclimatize, for it always felt like a novel experience. He wonders, as he always does before one of _these_ meetings, if someone was having a laugh at his expense. Hermione might be the brightest witch of their age, but even she was prone to falling for the magnetism of the Weasley twins, or her children, for that matter. It wouldn’t be too hard for them to get the polyjuice potion from her.

But he knows, however improbable, that it isn’t the case. He knows that the hundreds of Harry Potters who turn towards him when he enters are anything but polyjuice copies. They appraise him and wave him over to join them. Harry licks his lips and enters with a smile.

“Hey Harry! Come join us for a pint of butterbeer,” one of them asks from a table full of Master of Death Harry Potters. It’s the Potter unable to age - stuck in his seventeen year old body forever -Harry notes. He always feels a bit bad for him. It must be so distressing to witness all of the people he holds- _held_ \- close dying but incapable of dying himself. It is surprising that this one isn’t as bitter as the other MOD Potters sitting right across him – some with Death as their mate, others with extra powers clinging to them. All of them have the deathly hallows on their person, however.

Harry dithers for a second, weighing his options, but then he glances at the sulking form of the MOD he remembers being stuck in an ouroboros loop of reincarnation. Harry admits that he doesn’t envy this Potter for dying and being born out of his mother’s womb in the year 1980 again and again, but that didn’t give Potter the ticket to throw the holier-than-thou attitude at the rest of them all the time. Merlin knew Tom was enough for the both of them. Harry didn’t have time for the conceitedness, so he mouthed ‘ _later_ ’ at the seventeen year old looking Potter and headed for the bar.

However, thanks to the extension charms all around the place, he first had to pass through a group of Potters who had lost their Riddles and Voldemorts (Yes, Tom is a Dark Lord in a significant number of these universes. It had astonished Harry when he first discovered the fact) along the way. There’s someone telling him the most woeful tale about how they had killed Voldemort themselves because saving the wizarding world was and always will be more important. This causes Harry to hurry towards the bar and as he orders a glass of firewhiskey, the conversations of the Potters on the stools nearby piques his interest.

“Tom is just so…overbearing sometimes, you know?” says a frustrated Potter in the Gryffindor uniform. The nearby Potters – some of whom Harry isn’t the least bit surprised to see in the auror or quidditch uniforms - wholeheartedly agree with him, nodding sympathetically.

“His possessessives knows no bounds.”

“He makes Nagini keep an eye on me always”, says a Potter in a grey jumper.

“That’s nothing. He makes _Malfoy_ keep an eye on me.”

“Oh, Draco’s fine.”

“No. He most certainly isn’t.”

While they all continue to argue, Harry hears a chorus of admiring noises from his other side, and he turns to see an array of Potters grinning at one in their midst, who’s blushing profusely.

“Wait, you had sex with _five_ of them? At once? Tell us what that was like,” several of them demand excitedly, as they lean in to clap him on the shoulder. If Harry didn’t know better, he would have guessed these were Dudley and his gang bullying the poor sod.

The Potter in the centre of all the attention – who very much wanted to _divert_ the said attention, brought yet another Potter into the chaos.

“Well…uh yes, but that’s nothing compared to _him,_ ” he stuttered pointing towards the one currently in a heated discussion in the Voldemort Wins AU group of Potters. “ _He_ has had sex with the five Horcrux Toms along with Serpentine Voldemort _and Nagini_ – all at the same time!”

Harry sighs. He has long ago come to accept that, for whatever reason, in most universes, he is having sex with multiple Toms or Voldemort. Sometimes on his own volition, most times not. He thanks Tom (the Barkeep, not Riddle) for his drink and wanders off. In the process, he passes some Potters who were not so fortunate in freedom of choice for their partners. The Potters who had sex with Lucius Malfoy, Snape and Voldemort at the same time are sitting by themselves, getting scornful looks from others. Only the Potters who’ve had bedded family members (Harrycest included) and the ones who’ve had at some point had sex with Dumbledore, are more outcast.

Harry walks on. He smiles as he waves to the parental Potters – many of them exchanging photos of a young Tom Riddle . There are amazingly a very huge number of Harry Potters who’ve travelled back in time to raise Tom as their ward. However, only some of them managed to achieve the feat of nurturing the cunning boy into an agreeable person. More often than not, the plan backfired spectacularly only for the duo to develop a codependent sexual relationship at some point. Yeah, those Potters were pretty dense in Harry’s humble opinion, but Tom was such a convoluted character that he could not blame them. As harry didn’t have much to contribute to them – It wasn’t like he was unfortunate enough to claim Tom has his _son-_ he instead continues and stops briefly at a table where a herd of Potters are clustered around to form a tight circle.

“My mark has the initials. TMR.”

“I have a snake on my hip.”

“At least you guys don’t have to deal with the words _‘Avada Kedavra’_ slapped on your wrist.”

“At least you didn’t have to deal with a colourless world until you met him.”

“At least –“

Harry sighed _again_. Soulmate universes could be one of the fluffiest and the most tragic at the same time. It was intriguing which was why he had spent half the time getting to really know their dynamics in the last meeting.

He went through the omegaverse Potters sharing experiences of their first heat (A self lubricating arse may have its advantages but by Morgana, wasn’t it weird?), the Death Eater squad (Honestly, how could Harry be a Death Eater in any of the worlds by choice was beyond him), the Bitter group (Harry refused to call it the Bashing group. Hermione, Ron, the Weasleys, Dumbledore – all of them were his family and he refused to listen anything ill against them – even if it was from his own counterparts’ mouths.)

“The Weasleys used me for money! Ginevra fed me Love Potion!”

“Dumbledore used me for fame! He wanted me to die with Tom so he could be the most powerful wizard alive!”

Yeah, Harry had heard enough.

After hanging back to hear a few amusing bits of stories from Potters who had attended Hogwarts with their respective Riddles, be it through time travel or by genuinely being of the same age, he moved on to where most of the women were assembled. All the Harriets, Hollys, Heras and Hellys were oddly captivating, prettier versions of himself and he couldn’t decide if it’s wrong if he finds most of them a bit attractive. He definitely noticed a pair of male Potters getting tactile with the females over the corner.

In close proximity, two Potters were playing exploding snap and Harry briefly considered joining them but a conversation from a nearby table drew his attention.

“You mean he kills anything or anyone who even looks at you funny?” one of the Potters asks worriedly.

“Precisely”, the others reply.

“But he doesn’t care you’re hurt if it is by his hand? And he isn’t remorseful at all?”

“Don’t say the ‘R’ word!”

“And he’s a Dark Lord in your worlds, murdering anyone in his jealous or possessive rage and yet you stick with him? What is wrong with you people?”

“Well you’re with HIM too, aren’t you?!”

“That’s different. He is very sweet in my world. He was even a Hufflepuff.”

“Hufflepuff?”

“Did you say Hufflepuff?”

“Blasphemous”

“Sorry to break it to you, mate, but most of us here have a complicated relationship with our Toms and Voldemorts with fucked up circumstances which I am not sure you will understand.”

Harry couldn’t stop from inserting himself into the conversation.

“Well, he isn’t wrong you know”, Harry said to the one with the Hufflepuff Tom. Ten galleons that he was fairly new to the convention. “While, I myself am from a world with a mostly sane and kind Tom, He isn’t a saint. Merlin knows he runs me ragged with his duties as the Minister of Magic. I cannot begin to imagine what it would be like for Potters in love with Dark Lords.”

“Exactly.”, replies one of them.

“And it isn’t always consensual as in our case! Just go and listen to the Potters from the worlds where Voldemort wins. Their haunting stories will petrify you.”

Harry couldn’t agree more. He has heard of the Voldemort Wins AUs a lot. A _lot_ lot. It ranged from Potters forever held captive in a fortress or the Chamber of Secrets to Potters forever dosed with Amortentia to Potters almost loosing their minds in heed of all his loved ones dying to Harry coming to sympathize with the Dark because of meticulous manipulation. For many of them, this convention was the only reprieve, albeit temporarily. A world with the Dark Lord Voldemort with Tom’s face was the most disturbing parody of a world for Harry and it took him almost a week to start speaking to his Tom again when the last time the meeting was held.

Nevertheless, one thing always remained fixed. In ninety five percent of the cases (barring the out of character ones such as the Hufflepuff Riddle), Tom was a manipulative, possessive, and obsessive _arsehole_ , yet Harry still loved him.

“My Tom isn’t a serial killer,” someone was saying at the back. “But he’s a demon. I mean, literally, a demon.”

“Mine’s a fallen angel.”

“Oh, mine’s a siren.”

Harry excuses himself from the group and passes Potters trading stories of vampires, zombies, werewolves, dragons and a few others. These creature inheritances were intriguing in their own regard. On his way, he greets a non-descript Potter in a white tee shirt and blue jeans who was standing on his own.

“Hi. So, how do you do?”

It turned out this Potter was a muggle with no magic in their universe (atleast not that they know of), where Tom and he were writers. He also introduces Harry to the all-muggle-group where they exchange stories of being a Barista at a coffee shop or an accountant in an office with Riddle as their superior. A couple of them were even in tangles with Riddle as the mob boss of a Mafia ring. Harry notices a squib trying to enter the circle but being blatantly ignored. Harry tries to relate to them before giving up on the universes being too incomprehensibly different.

Much later, after meeting Harry Potters from Durmstrang and Beauxbatons, attending a well organized debate between Potters from the four Hogwarts Houses and acknowledging the others, there are handshakes and claps on the shoulder all around, and reminders to take care of Tom until they all meet again. Harry walks out ahead of most of the crowd and releases a sigh. It always felt like not he hadn’t met and known enough of them. He vows to look into the rest of the alternative universes the next time they hold their convention.

With a final fond glance back at the Leaky Cauldron, Harry apparates back to his manor.


End file.
